As of recently, I find that I struggle more against myself than I do against anyone or anything else. I allow myself to give Satan such stable footing that I cause myself a great deal of difficulty. Paul, in Romans 7:18-20 says:
“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”
That’s how I feel. I am constantly battling with desires within me – selfishness, success, pride, etc. But, I plod forward, seeking and striving in Christ to see His desires and will fulfilled rather than my own.
This all greatly stems from a recent revelation that has occurred to me: I cannot be everything – do everything – and cannot be Superman. For many of you hypothetical readers, this is not a revelation. Of course, I cannot be everything. Of course, I cannot do everything. Of course, I cannot be Superman. But yet, that is almost what I strove to be. I am the guy who tries to take on everything that is needed around me. I am a fixer – a doer. When someone says “Somebody” should do something, I’m somebody! And am at the same time nobody. I am my own detriment.
What I desire, at its core, is a good thing: I want to minister to people and help them in any and every way that I can. Yet, I realize that I cannot help everybody. I am spread thin. My plate is full. So, I now strive to seek more of what the Lord would have me to do, rather than all that I desire to do. And the desiring to do much good is not bad, I do not think. I should desire to do good. But, alas, I cannot do it all.
This is quite cathartic.
I find myself, in my thinness, clinging to a line from a Sovereign Grace song “Out of the Depths” that has helped me much in my realization of my inadequacy. This is a song that talks about submitting to the will and Word of God. There is a line in the chorus that says: “When the harvest time is over, and I still see no fruit, I will wait, I will wait for You.” I am reminded that success does not come from me. Success comes solely from the Lord. He has blessed me with the opportunity to serve Him, but all good things still come from Him alone. Even when no apparent fruit is being borne, I must continue to be faithful to Him in the way that He describes faithfulness in His Word.
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” (Romans 7:24-25)
Thanks for allowing for allowing me to meander through my thoughts in written form, dear hypothetical reader.
Yours and His,